The Duo of Doom
by J1S4K
Summary: When Tobi and Kisame both suffer major injuries, Deidara and Itachi are forced into a temporary partnership, much to their chagrin. Follow these two painfully different ninja through all of their fun-filled (Not so much), happy (Are you kidding me?), enjoyable (Psh) adventures. Rated T for swearing and violence. No pairings, multi-chapter fic.
1. The Duo Is Made

_Hey, dudes. Now, you may be surprised to hear that I'm starting another fanfiction, a multi-chaptered one, at that. I'm already juggling Ninja Themes, along with Akatsuki Genius. Well, the truth is, Akatsuki Genius will be taking a hiatus for a pretty long time._

_Anyway, that's not your stuff to worry about. Those are my concerns. The first chapter of this story is painfully short, but I promise the next chapter will be up tomorrow. I absolutely, positively promise._

_Oh, and one more thing: I'm not like some of those authors that complain that they're not getting enough reviews, and they're not going to post another chapter until they get x amount of good reviews, but can you guys please try to leave a review if you read the story? It doesn't have to be anything long, just drop a review in the box and press the button._

_And that's the Author's note. Just enjoy the story, and hang loose, dudes._

* * *

"No."

Pain sighed at the blond Nin's firm negative, and ran a hand through his hair; this wasn't going to be easy.

"Deidara, there's no other option," He reasoned, "Tobi completely snapped his leg in two. He's going to take quite a long while to recover, even with the help of Sasori." The recipient of the speech frowned deeper, and crossed his legs on the bed.

"No," Deidara replied once more, letting his eyes idly travel around the room that he had seen many times before. He refused, absolutely refused to comply with his leader's request, no matter how harsh the punishments, no matter how good the rewards.

Pain sighed once more. He knew it would come to this. There was always one thing that Deidara would do anything for, and Pain knew what it was.

"I'll buy the highest quality clay for the rest of the year." The Akatsuki leader frowned as he realized just how much the bribe sounded like a plead, but it worked. Deidara's eyes flickered upwards and momentarily widened to comical sizes, before he altered them again and crossed his arms.

"What brand?" He demanded to know, not letting his guard down; Pain was the master of trickery, as he had learned many times before.

"Terracotta," Pain wearily answered, tired of the explosion specialist's avoiding. Deidara proceeded to tap his finger against his chin. "Hm…No." Deidara leaned back onto the bed, satisfied by his answer.

Pain's eyes narrowed. Bribes and persuasion didn't work; intimidation was the only one left. "Deidara," He began, his voice low and dangerous, "I'm not giving you a choice. I am your leader. You obey me."

Deidara's frown melted into a pout, and he crossed his arms. "But Pain-sama," He whined, "Why does it have to be _him_? Why not Kisame? Why not Kakuzu or Hidan? Why not even Konan?"

"Kisame is injured. Kakuzu and Hidan are in the Lightning Country."

"Then what about Konan, un?"

Pain shot Deidara a hazardous glare, and the blond squealed.

"You require a partner, and with Kisame's injury, Itachi is the only person available to fill that spot. Your grudge will have to be put aside. Your first mission is tomorrow."

Deidara opened his mouth to protest, but the Akatsuki leader had already left and shut the door, leaving Deidara with no other option but to stare, dumbfounded, at the door.

Rage bubbling from his stomach, the blond let out a yell and slammed his hand on the bed. He couldn't! It was simply impossible! No way was he going to be partnered with that..That _weasel! _

"Believe me, I'm not happy about it either. I'd rather not be called a weasel."

Spinning around, Deidara found himself face to face with _him. _Itachi Uchiha, in all of his smug glory. The blond stumbled backwards, carelessly flinging a hand over his eye to save himself from the perpetrator's Sharingan.

After a few seconds went by and Deidara realized no Genjutsu had been used, he scrambled back to his feet and honed on to the Uchiha with a glare full of pure, unbridled hate. Itachi raised an eyebrow at the blond nin's fighting stance.

"Your feet are too far apart. Your arms aren't high enough, I could toss a shruiken right between your eyes. You're expending too much chakra with your shear attitude, and I merely have to give you a soft shove and you'll fall." The Sharingan expert said all of this without blinking, his gaze cool.

Deidara's cheeks burned and turned a violent red as he realized he was being lectured. Making it a point to fix his stance's errors, he growled, "Listen here, _weasel, _it has been my primary goal for the last year to kill you, and to kill you painfully. Just because we're partners doesn't mean I won't take the opportunity if it shows itself, so you better watch your behind while we're together."

Itachi didn't even flinch. He merely waved his hand, uninterested, and proceeded to leave the room. Hesitating for a second with his hand on the door knob, he spoke one final time, an echo of his leader's leaving words, "Our first mission is tomorrow. Meet me at the mouth of the hideout at 7:00. Don't be late."

With that, he took his leave, leaving Deidara to glare at the door in which he exited.

"Tobi," The blond nin moaned, "Please get better soon."


	2. Beaten By A Druuuuuuuunk!

_Alright, dudes. I told you the next chapter would be coming today! This one is longer then the last, obviously. It was a little idea I had gotten when I was just watching the birds outside._

_That's the author's note, dude. Enjoy the second chapter, and hang loose._

* * *

Deidara awoke the next day with a yawn, the smell of fresh air from his open window tickling his nose. Bracing himself for his partner's customary "Good morning, senpai!", he was surprised when, after a few seconds, it didn't come.

That's when he remembered Tobi's injury. And after that, he remembered his temporary partnership with Itachi.

His somewhat good mood evaporated quickly, and a groan escaped his lips. He guessed it was probably much later then the time Itachi had pegged as the time they should meet at the entrance to the hideout to begin their first mission together. But who cared, anyway? He had never planned to be on time, much less early. No, he was going to make the weasel wait.

The explosion specialist stumbled out of bed, sluggishly pulled his cloak over his head, and headed toward the kitchen for a bowl of ramen.

With his senses awakened, it struck Deidara just how quiet the Akatsuki hideout was; his footsteps echoed throughout the main hallway. With Hidan and Kakuzu out in Lightning Country, and Kisame and Tobi being injured, and Sasori tending to them, the only active members that currently inhabited the base were He, Itachi, Konan, and Pain.

Thirty minutes later, sufficiently satisfied from his breakfast and completely awakened, Deidara strolled out of the hideout and took a deep breath of fresh air; the birds were singing a sweet song, and the grass was slightly wet from the night's dew. He smirked. The only thing missing was the sound of an explosion.

"Took you long enough."

Deidara's violent thoughts were disrupted by a silky voice, and his smirk faded. Behind him, Itachi Uchiha was leaning against an oak, eyes closed, mouth in a tight line.

"Maybe you shouldn't have scheduled our meeting time so early, un," Deidara shot back, his aura hostile, his outburst fuelled by testosterone. Itachi smirked and opened his eyes, revealing his Sharingan. By instinct, the blond Nin activated his scope with a flicker of chakra, though he scowled and deactivated it.

"Don't you ever get tired of being so aggressive?" Itachi inquired, an eyebrow raised. This was not a good start to their partnership.

Deidara's scowl deepened. "I was serious about what I said last night, un; I _will _kill you, so you better watch out!"

Itachi merely shook his head in disbelief. Wasting no time, he pushed off the tree with his left foot and strode toward the forest that hid the hideout to the north. Deidara grudgingly followed, and the two men walked in silence for a while, crunching leaves and twigs underfoot.

Deidara soon grew curious, however. "Where is this mission taking us, un?" Itachi walked a few extra meters, before muttering, "Lightning Country."

His explosive companion frowned. "Aren't Hidan and Kakuzu stationed there? Why are we going?"

"Backup."

A grim nod from Deidara. "They ran into trouble, un?"

"Raikage."

Deidara grimaced at this; from his knowledge, the Raikage was the strongest of the current Kage. A brute with lightning chakra, opposing ninja said. "How are they holding out, un?"

Itachi's stride faltered, though he covered it up. "They were caught in their intelligence mission by the Raikage, and they narrowly escaped with their lives. They found cover in a desolate town scheduled for demolition, though there's a bounty on them. Seeing as they're not necessarily the stealthiest ninja, it is only a matter of time before they're caught."

Deidara blinked. "So we're going to help them escape?"

"No," Itachi explained, "Pain-sama finds this as a perfect opportunity to be rid of the Raikage." He let the message sink in for a few seconds, before adding, "Permanently."

A slight gasp escaped the younger man's lips. "Murder?"

"Murder," Itachi confirmed. "Two Akatsuki may not be a match for the Raikage, but four certainly should be enough. We're going to meet with them, share our provisions, and then charge into battle. It works in numerous ways: Fire Country won't be launching any attacks on us for a long time, and Water Country is too weak to engage in war. Those are typically the Akatsuki's strongest enemies. Eliminating the leader of Lightning Country would discombobulate the entire country while they scramble over themselves, looking for a new Raikage. That would effectively ensure there are no large threats to Akatsuki for a long time."

"But there are other countries besides those three."

Itachi waved his hand dismissively. "Minor threats compared to those I just stated."

Deidara bobbed his head slowly, and a grim smile spread over his face as he realized the simple ingenuity of the plan. "Yes," He agreed, "Killing the top of the power pyramid would throw the bottom parts into chaos. And we don't even have to go head to head with an army." He frowned. "But one thing I don't understand: how are we going to-Oof!"

A frown took the place of a smile as Itachi abruptly stuck his hand out in front of Deidara, slamming his arm into his chest. After regaining his breath, the blond nin opened his mouth to protest, but Itachi urgently shushed him. "Someone's watching," He whispered, Sharingan spinning.

Alarmed, Deidara assumed a fighting stance. He yelped, however, as he was easily knocked to the ground by Itachi.

"Why did you do that, un?" He questioned furiously, scrambling to his feet. The red eyed man smirked. "I told you to widen your legs. You're easily punishable if you keep them so close together."

Deidara glared, though his enraged comeback was interrupted by a newcomer to the scene.

An old man stumbled from out of a particularly thick piece of shrubbery to the left, arms waving wildly, eyes darting from left to right. He stopped in front of an extremely bemused Deidara, and his eyes slanted. "You," He drawled, sluggishly pointing at his target.

"Me…" Deidara warily acknowledged himself, careful not to underestimate the man; he could be an enemy ninja in disguise. The old man stumbled closer to Deidara, so close that the blond could feel the man's hot breath against his face. It reeked of Sake.

The man's eyes abruptly widened. "_You!" _He screamed in a deep voice, slapping Deidara with a surprising amount of force for a man his age.

The explosion specialist's head snapped back dangerously, before he spit out a glob of blood on to the ground. His eyes widened as he realized that a stream of blood was flowing down the right side of his face. "I will kill you, un!"

"No you won't."

Deidara sighed. "Why do you keep doing that, un? Can't you see I'm trying to be overly dramatic?" Ignoring his temporary partner's claim, Itachi continued, "It's obvious that he's drunk. Just walk away. Save your energy."

Tearing away from Itachi's grip, Deidara shook his head and hastily wiped away the blood that was now slowly dripping into his eye, intent on killing, or at least seriously injuring the perpetrator who was currently ambling toward Itachi, with the occasional hiccup or giggle.

"You," The drunk repeated once again, this time poking Itachi's chest. The red eyed man raised an eyebrow, and coolly said, "Go home. You're drunk, your wife is worried sick about you, and your children are faring no better. My partner and I are capable of seriously harming you, which we don't want to do."

Paying no heed to the young man's warnings, the old man proceeded into a stage of hysterical hiccups. "My name is *_hiccup*_ Li! You _*hiccup* _look like a _*hiccup*_ girl!"

Itachi's eyes flashed dangerously. Deidara cautiously backed away, sensing a change in his partner's disposition.

"Yes _*hiccup*, _You're a little _*hiccup*_ girl!"

Deidara gulped. Whether or not he enjoyed it, multiple years with Itachi had taught him one thing: the man could ignore many insults, but calling him a girl was basically sealing your grave.

Li, having gotten over his batch of hiccups, continued, "Your partner looks like a girl too!"

"Now wait a minute, un!"

Both of the Akatsuki snapped at the same time. The poor old man obviously realized that as well, for he scrambled backwards, eyes wide in fear. Itachi activated his Mangekyo with a burst of Chakra, and Deidara furiously fed his palm-hands a mouthful of clay, leaping backwards into a tree. "Gonna show him," He muttered under his breath.

With a growl, Itachi lunged toward Li, who narrowly dodged his opponent's fist. His eyes widened to comical sizes as the tree he had been leaning against splintered into a thousand pieces, and he realized just how easily that could have been him.

Itachi used the momentum of his missed attack to push off and launch a flying kick. The sole of his sandal hit its mark with a satisfying _smack_, and Li went flying back into another tree with a pained yelp. The Sharingan expert wasted no time, swiftly grapping his opponent by the lapel and hoisting him upwards.

"Next time," He growled with a smirk, "Make sure you don't-"

"_Katsu!"_

A frown found its way to Itachi's face. "But that sounds like the command that Deidara uses to detonate his…" Understanding dawned on both his and Li's face, and they paled.

"Deidara!"

That was the last cry that came out of Itachi's mouth before the cleverly placed clay detonated on the grass below, temporarily rendering Itachi, Li, and Deidara himself unconscious.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Itachi woke from his momentary state of oblivion with the heavy weight of Deidara, who was still knocked out, lying upon him. Not even attempting to throw him off, he blinked, activating his Sharingan in an attempt to glower through the heavy clouds of smoke that blanketed the clearing; a slight gasp escaped his lips at the sight.

For at least half a mile, all trees in all direction were completely flattened, some of them utterly destroyed, leaving wood splinters to litter the grass.

"Heeheehee! I beat two shinobiiiiiiiiis!" Itachi frowned disapprovingly at the man who was currently doing some sort of wild dance to his left. "You're still drunk?" He questioned incredulously. Li shrugged.

"I love being druuuuunk!"

With that somewhat dramatic spiel, Li skipped away toward the west, ready to brag to his wife and children that he had beaten two 'shinobiiiiiiiiis'.

Deidara chose to wake at that exact moment. "What happened?" He groaned, too weak to push himself up.

"I hate you."

Deidara smiled weakly. "You finally return my feelings."

With that, he rolled off on to the ground and fell back to sleep.

* * *

_Pretty cool, right? I always knew this would happen if Deidara and Itachi fought together. They have two totally different fighting styles: Itachi prefers to utilize a Genjutsu, or attack from up close, while Deidara prefers to hang back on a clay bird and use his C2 attacks. So if they tried to work together, they'd probably kill each-other, while their target is perfectly unharmed.  
_

_I can't guarantee when the next chapter will be up; perhaps Sunday or Saturday. Make sure to leave a review, and thanks for reading!_


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